The Courage to Speak (Even to Our Children)

Sometimes life serves you a cocktail you didn’t order — heartbreak mixed with exhaustion and a slice of “why me?” on top. Recently, I had to drink one of those. It was one of those moments when I could practically feel my heart crack, not loudly, just in that quiet, deep way that makes you breathe differently for a while.

And as much as I wanted to stay strong, keep it together, pretend to be that endlessly capable, wise, emotionally balanced adult — I couldn’t. Not this time. So, I did something we parents don’t often do: I spoke to my child about it.

Talking About Feelings |The Day I Needed My Son

I didn’t want to dump my pain on him or make him carry it. I just wanted to share, to breathe out loud instead of silently suffocating inside my own head. I shared with my grown-up son how emotionally drained I felt. Sometimes it’s just hard to hold everything inside, and life can be heavy. Still, I told him I’ll overcome it — but right now, I simply needed someone to listen.

He listened — not as a child, but as a friend. He didn’t try to fix me, didn’t rush to say wise things. He just was there. And that “being there” did something no advice, no meditation app, no quote from Instagram ever could. It reminded me that love is not about being unbreakable. It’s about being seen when you are broken and still staying soft.

Sharing Emotions with Children | When We Filter Our Feelings

When my boys were little, I used to filter my emotions like bad coffee — only serving them the cheerful bits. “Mommy’s a bit tired today,” instead of “Mommy’s on the verge of an existential crisis.” You know, the usual emotional editing we all do to “protect” our children.

And you know what? That was right for that age and time. Young children don’t need to carry adult worries. But I do wish more parents, teachers, and everyone around children were aware of this emotional filter — that what we choose to show or hide shapes how children learn to read emotions.

I also made sure that any misunderstanding between my husband and me, any argument or tension, never happened in front of our kids. Back then, it felt right — we thought that hiding adult emotions would keep them safe. But even with that, children feel energy. They sense when things are not smooth. And that’s fine — it’s part of life. What matters is that they see emotions as something real, not scary. And that awareness — learning that anger or sadness are also part of life made my boys more balanced, more emotionally grounded than we realize..

 As they grew, I began loosening the filter. I’d say, “I’m sad today, but it’s okay.” Or, “I’m angry about what happened, but it’s not about you.” Later, as teenagers, it became, “I’m angry and I need some space. I love you, but right now, I need time for myself.”

Emotional Honesty Builds Resilience

And now, with my adult children, it’s different again — no performance, no pretending. Sometimes I just say, “I’m hurting.” And they understand. We meet as humans, both figuring out this strange art of being alive.

When we dare to show our children our real emotions — not to burden them, but to connect — we teach them how to face life with courage, empathy, and balance.

I wrote about this because sharing that pain with my son reminded me how healing honesty can be — not only for us, but for them. When we model vulnerability, we teach emotional resilience. When we know our triggers and name our emotions, we help our children do the same. And when we stop pretending to have it all together, life — on all its winding paths — becomes lighter, kinder, and far more real.

Maybe this is what true strength looks like: not hiding the storm, but showing how to dance (clumsily, perhaps) through it.

Studies show that open, supportive communication between parent and child helps build emotional resilience in children.“Parental emotion regulation and children’s mental health” (Iwanski et al., 2025) — highlights how parents’ emotional states and ability to regulate them affect children’s emotional well-being. ScienceDirect

“Parent–Child Emotional Communication and Children’s Coping in Middle Childhood” — examines direct links between how parents talk about negative emotions and children’s abilities to cope. ResearchGate