Walking in the garden one morning, I noticed a half-open walnut lying in the grass. Its green shell had cracked just enough to release that unforgettable fresh walnut scent—sharp, earthy, alive. If you’ve ever held a walnut in your hand and broken the skin, you know that smell. As I cracked open the hard brown shell, a thought came: how much young men—just like these walnuts—are half-formed, still tender inside, even when the world expects them to be fully hardened.

This simple moment became the doorway to reflecting on something often misunderstood: the inner world of young men up to 25, their heartbreaks, their choices, and the silence they carry.

Heartbreak Hurts Like Real Pain

Science shows that the brain registers heartbreak in the same way it registers physical pain. When a young man goes through a breakup, it’s not “just feelings.” It’s an ache that can tighten the chest, cause sleepless nights, and drain the body. Yet too often, society dismisses this as “drama” or “immaturity.” What we fail to see is that for them, these emotions are neurologically as real as breaking a bone.

That’s why telling them to “man up” or “move on quickly” only adds salt to the wound.

The First Love That Shaped Me

I still remember my first love. When it ended, the pain stayed with me for years. It wasn’t something I could just “forget and move on” from. It followed me into my thoughts, into my decisions, into my sense of self-worth. Many young men carry that same invisible scar. For some, it becomes a lesson; for others, a shadow. Either way, it matters, and it must not be belittled.

Another Story Shared With Me: The Boy Who Chose to Step Away

There was once a young man who had been in a long relationship. One day, he chose to end it—not because he stopped caring, but because he felt he wasn’t ready to go deeper. To his mother, it could have been handled differently. But as he explained, “At that moment, it felt right, so I did it.”

It hurt him, and it hurt her too. What surprised him most was realizing he was more devastated by the fact that he caused her pain than by the breakup itself. He admitted that accepting “tomorrow” wasn’t easy. Still, the comfort of sharing just enough—without being forced—was what helped him heal. His parents didn’t push him to talk. They didn’t insist on knowing every detail. They simply supported him. Even when they silently disagreed with his choices, they let him walk his own path. That quiet trust was his anchor.

Why Adult Support Matters More Than Advice

Parents and mentors often want to protect young men from heartbreak, using phrases like, “I told you so,” or “Why did you fall for her anyway?” But while these comments may come from care, they only pour oil on the fire. What young men need most is presence, not pressure. Sometimes, just sitting next to them, listening without judgment, or even saying nothing at all is enough.

Because in those moments, it’s not about giving them answers—it’s about giving them space.

Do Young Men Really Feel That Much?

We often hear stories about girls crying, hurting, or being betrayed. But what about the boys? Do they not feel as deeply? Many assume young men should simply “shrug it off.” Yet in truth, they often feel even more intensely than we realize. The difference is—they’re told not to show it. They’re told tears are weakness.

In some countries, a boy crying is seen as shameful. But here is the truth: tears are not weakness. Tears are courage. Admitting “I am sad, I am hurt, but I will be okay” is not a failure of manhood—it is the very definition of strength.

Different Paths, Different Lessons

Not every young man will follow the patterns of his family or culture. A boy raised in a home where drinking is common is not destined to be reckless. A young man who grows up watching silence is not destined to stay silent. Heartbreak and relationships are opportunities: either to repeat cycles, or to build something different. The way they choose to handle hurt becomes the soil for their future selves.

Gentle Advice for Young Men in Heartbreak

• Everything you feel is normal. The intensity, the pain, the confusion—it is part of being human.

• You don’t need to rush. Healing doesn’t follow a clock. Give yourself time.

• Talk when you can, not when you’re forced. Share with those you trust, even if it’s just a few words.

• Tears are strength. Don’t hold back your humanity for the sake of appearances.

• You will not always feel this way. Today’s heartbreak feels eternal, but tomorrow always brings a new horizon.

A Call to Parents and Adults

As grown-ups, we must reflect too. Are we open enough to truly see them? To listen? To accept that sometimes their choices will clash with our experience? Being a guide does not mean controlling their steps—it means being steady when they stumble. Our calm presence becomes their safety net, even when we don’t agree.

Final Thought

A young man’s heart, like a walnut, may look hard from the outside but is still tender within. When it cracks open—through love, heartbreak, or mistakes—the scent of his humanity is released. And in those moments, what he needs most is not judgment, but recognition. Not dismissal, but space. Not “be a man,” but simply: “Be you.”