New Year’s Eve—a time for glitz, glamour, and regrettable choices, right? Not for this lady! Gone are the days of teetering in high heels, juggling a glass of bubbly, and pretending to enjoy the noise of a packed party.

These days, my “celebration” looks more like this: cozy bed, Netflix on auto play, my husband within arm’s reach (bonus points if he stays awake past 10 PM), a warm snack, and a symbolic splash of champagne. Call me boring, but I call it strategic energy conservation.

The grown-up kiddos, of course, have their “socially evolved” plans, dancing their way into 2024 with glitter and glory. Good for them. 

I’ll be here, laughing at comedies, sipping bubbly that I don’t even like anymore, and avoiding the headache and regret package that often accompanies the new year. No hangovers, no FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)—just me, my heater, and a peaceful exit from this rollercoaster of a year.

Why this sudden shift, you ask? I didn’t plan to become this woman who celebrates New Year’s Eve as if I’m preparing for hibernation. But life throws tantrums, and I’ve learned to tantrum right back. After a year of car troubles, hospital visits, and hair turning more silver linings than I’d like, I say: it’s fine. Let me rest in peace—alive and Netflix-ing.

My resolutions? Oh, the usual. Get a body like I’m 20 (but without giving up cheese), master AI so I can keep up with the future, visit my parents more, and find more reasons to laugh so hard I snort. I know my laughter is loud and clear—it’s just who I am! And I plan to keep it that way because it’s not just good for the soul; it’s also a workout for my lungs. I simply can’t do the bourgeoisie-style polite “ha-ha” that whispers from the corner, as if laughter itself needs to fit an etiquette guide. Nope, I’m here for the full-on belly laughs.

And let’s not forget being ready to whip up hot soup for my kids when they stagger in on January 1st, nursing their “socially evolved” hangovers.

So, here’s to a New Year filled with unexpected joys, zero car repairs, a body that feels as good as it looks in my head, and laughter that echoes unapologetically. Cheers (from bed, before 11 PM)!